Lately, I have been consumed with trauma. Not traumatic experiences per say, but diving into the world of understanding trauma and its effects on us. I find that when most people speak about trauma they do so from a distance, as if trauma is rare or far from home. However, according to statistics around 90% of Americans having been exposed to trauma in their lifetime (Breslau, 2009). This got me thinking about the "Big T" and "Little T" of Trauma. "Big T" trauma includes life-threatening experiences, sexual abuse, physical violence, and serious injury. These events most commonly lead to post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). "Little T" traumas are highly distressing events such as bullying, emotional abuse, the loss of significant relationships, and even or most influential perhaps, the neglect, intimidation or physical punishment done to us as children.
Most of us don't acknowledge the "little T" traumas as actual trauma. We are quick to minimize or even excuse our trauma experiences. Acknowledging our real-life occurrences may bring up feelings of shame, guilt, blame, or even disloyalty to the perpetrators. Just like with "Bit T" traumas, when we choose avoidance, we are allowing the past come back to haunt us in the form of symptoms like anxiety and depression along with various coping mechanisms such as alcohol, sex, and drugs. Avoidance takes two common forms, repression and dissociation. These two mechanisms, while beneficial in helping us maintain a sense of safety as children, become the seeds of dysfunction in our adult lives.
"We do no treat patients such as Emmy to cure them of something that was done to them in the past; rather, we are trying to cure them of what they still do to themselves and to others in order to cope with what was done to them in the past" (Sigmund Freud)
Opening oneself up to the traumas experienced in one's life can be the beginning of healing. You see, when children or anyone for that matter, but especially vulnerable children's basic needs of safety and security are threatened, they must adapt with hyper-vigilance. When someone is consumed with "being on the lookout," there is little opportunity to give the much needed attention and care to the inner-self. Out of this schema comes a host of boundary issues.
If you are struggling with symptoms such as anxiety, depression, or substance abuse that arose out of boundary violations or trauma, I empathize with your struggles. It has taken me years of unpacking my traumas and struggling to even name the traumas for exactly what they are. Regardless if the T is little or big, trauma is trauma, and it should never be minimized.
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